Archive | October, 2010

Age Concern in Tennessee

18 Oct

Sweet. Jolly. Cowboy. What in the name of gospel has happened to Kings of Leon??!!!

Is it me or did someone just take a bite from the boring end of old wrinkle pie? Yes. I’m talking to you Caleb Followill. The last time I saw you, you were gnawing on a chicken bone. Whilst showering.  Whilst telling me my sex is on fire. Whilst committing GBH on your own sibling. Now look at you! You’re as clean as a Cockfosters whistle! You’re the straightest chimney in the stack!  You’re the shiniest pork sausage in the Kings of Leon bun! What the fuck is going on here?

There are a whole host of things in their new video ‘Radioboreoff’ that just tickle me pink and will help illustrate my point. I took some stills from the video. Yes. Yes I did.

Caleb looks like a compressed elf against those giant doors but who doesn’t love feeling really tiny now and then? One of two things is going to happen here. 1. Bruce Spingsteen is going to burst through the barn doors on a chariot singing Born to Run. Or 2. A group of small children are going to make Caleb emperor of their village. I know what you’re thinking. “Both those scenarios are totally unrealistic Georgie! Just like the tale of Tom Cruise being straight!” but wait….

…LOOK it’s the Pied Piper of Hamelin!

Flat. Out. Creepy. Really. Really creepy Caleb.

Nathan ejected himself from the fun seat and landed here. In the middle of a childrens gospel choir. Man he looks uncomfortable. Come to think of it those kids look pretty fucking bored too. They’ re probably waiting for KOL to get the flying dutchman out of their goddam hood so they can get on and win an academy award for this shit music video. Especially that one in the red. He forgot his uniform.

Hey Old Father Time! When did you decide to age 30 years? What happened to that spritely quiff? When did you grow jowls? This face is nothing to write home about anymore and it’s making me chuckle damn hard. But that’s not important right now. First, we need to solve the mystery of the Pied Piper imposter.

MYSTERY SOLVED!

Urrrrrm Caleb? What is that orbiting your six pack? Did you swallow a dumpy calf? Your tummy looks a little puffier than when I saw it at Glastonbury in 2008. And your trousers are all droopy. And even those braces aren’t helping.  It’s a bit of a car crash Caleb. The nail in the coffin. All bets are off.

Hi Happy Campers! Here’s Caleb cooking some chicken with a dominant oven glove. It really adds edge to that train driver look he’s going for.

Finally, here is something to wash your eyes of the comtemporary Kings of leon crisis.

KOL OF CHRISTMAS PAST!!

Precious boys. Night y’all.

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